Blog-huh?

As I checked my Blog Site to reply on my friends comment, this was the number displayed at the bottom of Blog site. I got the feeling that this is the answer to my prayers. The sign that I’ve been asking to help me make my decision. I am (still) internalizing, as I write my thoughts out for my Blog today. The sign that will help me determine the Black or White. Yet, I’m still not decided. I haven’t wholly consumed the courage, for the meet up. HELL, I don’t think I’ll ever decide till that day comes. The day I will finally face my own demon


- Myself.


Thinking about this situation over and over, I’m starting to think that my cousin Moni, is Right. You see, Moni is the only person who thought that O wanted to Meet Up just to Apologize to me in person. I guess, O thought that IM is not personal enough for an Apology. What I don’t get is, why after two, or maybe three years (Who’s counting)? Where we should have already moved past the “being sorry stage” and should be “moving on” with our own lives now. I want to gasp the conception of this type of thinking, cause right now I’m thinking (For worst-case scenario purpose only) that O is having some trouble in his life and his friends (now) are not enough for comfort. I don’t think I can be friends with him. Anyways, I think that its still early to think about this scenario. For now, Let’s leave the “worst case scenario” topic and turn to a different direction – my own sentiment.




You see, I think meeting him has nothing to do about my love for him. I think this is happening for me, for myself. After all this time copping up, moving on, living my life again, in other words, Healing. I got no proof for myself to where I stand, where I am. Before or maybe till now (I let you be the Judge for it), I thought that I was in a place called limbo. Lost. Misplaced. Absent. Unrecoverable. Soul Searching. I think (maybe now), its time to know where I stand. To finally know if I have improved, grown up. He He! I can’t believe that I am saying this, to think that I haven’t still decided if I should or shouldn’t meet him. My head and heart are battling on which decision is best to choose. I don’t want to be stressing about this over and over, so I’m doing this. I’m letting this out. Saying all this, for the world to see and maybe, just maybe there will be hope of good riddance dropping my way to make things a cinch for me. I am scared, terrified of what might happened. This chapter of my life, I might find it hard to handle, or worst, it might put me back to zero. I don’t know if I am ready to face this cost. There is a voice in my head that’s been telling me to “Face it! Meet him Up” and little voice in my heart saying “what if you are not ready?”. These supposed to be like my sub-conscious (right?), helping me to decide the best choice, but as of now it makes my DSS harder.


The number 24 signifies a special number in my life. It’s the number of our anniversary day. When I ask for a sign, I think HE will select something that gives importance to me, something only I can distinguish.