Showing posts with label diary of a happy girl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diary of a happy girl. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 02, 2019
Im having anxiety right now worrying that something could be wrong with me.. Wrong in such a way why I'm still single and couldn't get into a relationship that would last forever? It makes me wonder is there really is a forever? Are there really people who are exempted; that they find someone who accept and love them unconditionally? What happened to the people who doesn't find their partners? Are we forced to accept and teach ourselves to just be comfortable being alone? Whats our consolation price for bring single?
Remember my last post with the mystery guy? Im stopping the communication., I have come to accept that I am falling for him.. Weird right? I haven't met the person but Im having the anxiety and already overthinking.. When he doesn't text, I find myself wondering about him all the time.. What is he doing? Is he thinking of me? Will we really meet? Are his words true? Is he for real? Could it be more that this? When will be our next video call? These questions rush in my head, feeling both positive and negative.. I find myself day dreaming about the future, the positive future and hope that I'll be in a relationship and maybe this time it will be the last.. A girl can dream diba? Hehe!
I admit, I got smitten by mystery guy at first video call.. I felt something that I didn't fell with Chad, my last relationship.. 5 years with Chad and he never given me a phone call, I had to ask him to call me. With the mystery guy he gave that to me without me even asking for it.. It felt so good, it felt that I matter.. From there on, I thought we had a connection, a more deeper connection compared to the guys I'm just texting with.. But lately I noticed a change, he is being skeptical and skittish..
I don't like being rejected.. The next time he message me, Ive decided to be upfront with my feelings.. I'll tell him how I feel and my intewntions.. Although, I get the underlying message that he is probably unsure or just being nice to me; (thats what my gut is actually telling me).. I need the confirmation.
I think, I owe it to myself to stop this things being dragged out.. I'm over thinking, I'm getting anxious, I'm getting pissed, and I'm beginning to feel hurt.. So Im going to face my fear of rejection and hope it wouldn't hurt more compared to what Im feeling now..
Friday, June 28, 2019
Tinder. I signed up! haha!
I wanted to share my experienced with it, so here it is. Its easy app, swipe left to Nope and right to Match. If you both match, thats the time you can send a message to the matching person.. Ive chatted to few people both male and female.. I made chat friends exchanging mobile numbers to transfer to the viber app.
I noticed that there is a trending questions mostly asked.
- Location
- Status (Single, married, divorced, separated)
- Why am I at Tinder
- What am I looking for
and my answers;
- Mandaluyong (nothing more specific than that)
- Single, Never been married, No Kids
- Looking for someone to chat, passing time
- to chat with and maybe friends who i can meet organically
And I noticed the last two questions are usually the "deal breakers". Meaning if the person is interested on continuing the conversation or not.. If its a good conversation, 2 hours tops, you'll be exchanging numbers and move to Viber. I think, this is because the Tinder app lacks the ability to send photos. If you want to see how the person looks you just check their profile page. The profile page consists of name, age, bio/info, work, school, and uploaded photos. which photos are probably not their current photos.. Haha! You'll be surprised that the photos some uploads are year or some image of none person..
Anyways here is mine..
Thats my main photo, a cup of coffee with a planner.
Simple. I believe it should show the impression that I am a steady person, nothing rowdy, loves to have coffee and plan my day ahead. Just simplicity, nothing fancy.
Now when you swipe right on my account you'll see 4 photos.. 4 Photos of me with my dogs, and one of those photos is me, with sushi and pumpkin and the stroller.. I placed this to show that Im a serious Furparent to my two adorable and lovely four-legged-babies..
After all , "Must Love Dogs"
So thats it.. Just a brief sharing moment I wanted to share and immortalised that I gave up and signed in Tinder. Lols
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Denial. For the last 8 months, I was in that state..
4 dead end relationships... I think, 5 might be on the way...
My last one lasted for 5 years, took me the same time to fully get over him. I even buried the thought of looking for love after the years, the effort of forgetting - how pain feels like, memories of hardships that didn't pay off at the end. Then, last night I realized that I'm in one.
I was pretending that it was only for fun, no harm can be done.. Now, I'm finding out- I'm so dead wrong.
Good Earth and Parking lot at Fort Strip is where it all happened.. But before that, I was at Figaro, waiting and thinking what will be the outcome.. Thinking, how can I prove something that is claimed to be true that is not? I thought of it is as long as I have the time, time before I'll face him.. I couldn't think of any answer, expect to tell the truth.. Telling the truth that night backfired at ME.
We look for a spot, sat down, ordered, our usual routine. He had his bucket of beer and I had coke with dishes of pica-pica. The talk was direct and light at first. As time passes by the light conversation ended up to a heated argument. It went to a point that he was starting to hit the table, giving me the wild eyes with angry spoken words. I got so scared. I started not to speak anymore. I told myself, he is mad and he needs to express how he feels, he just needs to release the suppress feelings he has been carrying. His spoken words are the same, saying it over and over for hours. I felt I was being tortured and it was annoying at the same time. I tried so hard to keep my mouth shut. I couldn't understand what was happening and what was so wrong, why he is so mad at me. He kept on saying "understand me, star!", "Remember where I'm coming from!". I really tried hard to comprehend what he is telling me, but I couldn't. All I could think are the false accusations he is accusing me of. I wanted to escape, but he wouldn't let me. I got exhausted towards the end. We sat inside my car, he was still whinnying the same sentences he had been saying, only this time, his voice turned to be soft. My mind couldn't think anymore. I was already feeling distressed. I couldn't react as much as I wanted, only through tears. Then he began to touch my head, caressing my forehead and kissed me three times on the cheek. I told him to let me go cause I want to go home. He eventually did, even nice, he offered to drive me and would commute back to fort to get his car. I declined to his offere. I needed to escape from what he was doing to me. When we were parting our ways, he pulled me and gave me a hug. He went out of my car and I drove off.
Now, all I could think about since I woke up this morning is "how can I make it all better?". Guilt falls into me. I made him like this. He asked me to let him protect himself. I couldn't understand that before. Today, I think, I'm starting too. He wants to protect himself from me. He new that when the feelings starts to be stronger, he will turn out to be weak. Exactly the same thing to me. I was avoiding cause I don't want to feel hurt. Yet without even realizing it,I fell in love with him too...
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