Blog-huh?

Even though I have a hand-full of good reasons to convert to be a vegetarian, I have one reason to keep on eating MEAT.

“That sweet metallic taste”
from Oliboy’s Blog

One of my favorite Blog links is my friend’s Blog Spot “Oliboy’s Adventure” site. His dossier of (mostly) food, diving and his vexation experiences– read his Cebu Pacific Story. Oli is the one who introduced the Blog Spot for me to use for my blog posting. I used to post blogs at my Multiply site. I still manage my Multiply site. It’s best to use for Picture Albums, Video Uploads, and collections of my favorite Web Links. For a more vivid description of the site, check out my Multiply site at the left panel, under My Link – My Multiply.

A penny for my thoughts:

Going back to my dwelling of “being vegetarian”, I’ve been trying to put an end to my meat diet. I want to train myself not to look for sweet bloody taste that carnivores love, but after awhile of not having any beef intake, I find myself craving for it! When craving, it is hard not to get what I want, especially when I can afford an order of Rib Eye Steak, worth 2,000 pesos, not that I’m bragging.

There are tons of reasons to convert, and these reasons even includes the healthiest reasons to stop my meat consumptions, but still I can’t brain wash myself to turn into a green eating herbivore.

I dwell into this, A lot.

Animal Slaughtering


When you get to see how unethical other companies slaughter their beef products, it will make your heart ache. The technique that they use is so vile, grotesque, horrible, it will make you feel sad and sorry for the four-legged animals that are being butchered to death, just for the sake of satisfying our carnivorous inclination. I haven’t experience this kind of grotesque slaughtering yet. The nearest experience I had was on my 7th grade field trip at Monterey Farm, where they showed how they slaughter the pigs and cows by means of electrocution. I could barely open my eyes that time and I keep on humming songs to myself to channel off from the frightful cries of the poor animals.

I never wanted to experience (again), or to be exposed, or not even to come across with such hideous form of animal slaughtering. I mean, if Monterey is one of the acceptable form of animal butchery and I have no guts to watch it, what more to the other underhanded companies who kills their products in a very inhumane way- like the ones that’s being televised on the local channel “Reporter’s Notebook” show.

Ironically, I feel sad now, ashamed that I am having a baby bro burger from Brother’s Burger for lunch today. So much about me dwelling on I wanna be a Vegetarian.

As I checked my Blog Site to reply on my friends comment, this was the number displayed at the bottom of Blog site. I got the feeling that this is the answer to my prayers. The sign that I’ve been asking to help me make my decision. I am (still) internalizing, as I write my thoughts out for my Blog today. The sign that will help me determine the Black or White. Yet, I’m still not decided. I haven’t wholly consumed the courage, for the meet up. HELL, I don’t think I’ll ever decide till that day comes. The day I will finally face my own demon


- Myself.


Thinking about this situation over and over, I’m starting to think that my cousin Moni, is Right. You see, Moni is the only person who thought that O wanted to Meet Up just to Apologize to me in person. I guess, O thought that IM is not personal enough for an Apology. What I don’t get is, why after two, or maybe three years (Who’s counting)? Where we should have already moved past the “being sorry stage” and should be “moving on” with our own lives now. I want to gasp the conception of this type of thinking, cause right now I’m thinking (For worst-case scenario purpose only) that O is having some trouble in his life and his friends (now) are not enough for comfort. I don’t think I can be friends with him. Anyways, I think that its still early to think about this scenario. For now, Let’s leave the “worst case scenario” topic and turn to a different direction – my own sentiment.




You see, I think meeting him has nothing to do about my love for him. I think this is happening for me, for myself. After all this time copping up, moving on, living my life again, in other words, Healing. I got no proof for myself to where I stand, where I am. Before or maybe till now (I let you be the Judge for it), I thought that I was in a place called limbo. Lost. Misplaced. Absent. Unrecoverable. Soul Searching. I think (maybe now), its time to know where I stand. To finally know if I have improved, grown up. He He! I can’t believe that I am saying this, to think that I haven’t still decided if I should or shouldn’t meet him. My head and heart are battling on which decision is best to choose. I don’t want to be stressing about this over and over, so I’m doing this. I’m letting this out. Saying all this, for the world to see and maybe, just maybe there will be hope of good riddance dropping my way to make things a cinch for me. I am scared, terrified of what might happened. This chapter of my life, I might find it hard to handle, or worst, it might put me back to zero. I don’t know if I am ready to face this cost. There is a voice in my head that’s been telling me to “Face it! Meet him Up” and little voice in my heart saying “what if you are not ready?”. These supposed to be like my sub-conscious (right?), helping me to decide the best choice, but as of now it makes my DSS harder.


The number 24 signifies a special number in my life. It’s the number of our anniversary day. When I ask for a sign, I think HE will select something that gives importance to me, something only I can distinguish.

I would like to make some clarifications from what I said on my previous post. When I said that the Novel was written in a poetic manner of writing. I’m correcting that statement. It is not poetic after all.

My bad fellows!

I was reading Chapter three during the time I’ve written the previous post. I found myself haywired on the story. Thus, made me re-read the Novel all over again. As I began back reading the Novel, I envision the story vividly. with a Reading the Novel the first time, I got confused. The Novel was written with a grand scale of words. Words that made the sentences hard for me to comprehend. I can’t imagine the story thoroughly; my imagination of the Novel was not vividly envisioned. I was greatly interrupted from reading, since there were a lot words that I encountered for the first time. It kept me busy, pausing from reading, to look up for the meaning of the words over the dictionary. Which gives witness to the range of vocabulary I have, proving to be very little.

Summing-up the story, it was pretty jovial. It pretty sums up the title of the Novel. From the grotesque and melancholy proclivity relationship between “the complainer” and Lucinda, to Lucinda’s one night stand with Bedwin, to Lucinda’s turning point- realization that she and Matthew belong to each other, made Matthew a sweetheart at the end of the story. Lucinda’s character was anomaly, her choices of action/ decision made her existence in the story rich. Understanding her idiosyncrasy was the toughest part of novel. The Author had a weird way of telling the story. It made me wonder what was he thinking the time he was writing the part of the “monster eye” scene. Anyways, there was gossip spreading that this novel might come out in a movie late next year. Maybe by then, I could understand the story more completely.

I just want to lie in bed. Eyes Shut. Body relaxed. Inhale. Exhale.


Its been what? Two Days? And I’m not doing any better with the situation. The World Wide Web is my Social Life right now. Why does He have to intervene with it, dropping me a message at my YM? Why does He have to evade my cyber space? Since after my Birthday this year, greeting me a “happy Birthday” and “how are you”, I wanted that to be our last Link to each other.


Now, He wants to meet up? For what? Isn’t asking over the net enough to know how am I? Does He need a foolproof by seeing me? Does He need to really know it, physically- meaning Literally? I don’t understand the rationality of seeing me in person. I don’t know if it will do good to both of us, correction to Me. In spite having a lot of questions cropping up my brain, which right now, is debating between choosing between black or white. Which to choose? Hmmmm…. If only the color grey is one of the selections. I feel dreadful! Not knowing what to opt for. I need a sign! Mr. Almighty, please help me with this one? Send me a good riddance sign to help me aim the best decision.


I got until the end of this week to know and find out my choice.


I have to trust myself with this.

Coming back to the office, I was not prepared to have this conversation.


Oliver Co: pssst...
Oliver Co: busy?
Vmlipio: yes? sorry. was out
Oliver Co: im happy to hear that you messaged me back
Oliver Co: just checking
vmlipio: ah... okie.
Oliver Co: i just opened my old y now
Oliver Co: ym
Oliver Co: it works pa pala
Oliver Co: where you at?
Vmlipio: of course it works....
Vmlipio: office.
Vmlipio: i just got back lang eh. its raining hard outside
Oliver Co: same here
Oliver Co: lunch out?
Vmlipio: nope... errands.
Vmlipio: errands for dad
Oliver Co: hmmm
Vmlipio: how are you?
Oliver Co: i see
Vmlipio: bilis mo na mag type ah!
Oliver Co: im good
Oliver Co: hehe
Oliver Co: improving ba
Oliver Co:?
Vmlipio: yeah.... you are...
Oliver Co: i wanted to see you
Oliver Co: if thats ok with you
Vmlipio: hmmmm.....
Vmlipio: haha!
Vmlipio: wow!
Vmlipio: i
Oliver Co: do i have to beg?
Vmlipio: i'm speechless
Oliver Co: pls
Oliver Co: saturday?
Oliver Co: i just want to talk
Vmlipio: i can't saturday. got plans na. maybe next weekend....
Vmlipio: talk?... we can chat now
Oliver Co: ic
Oliver Co: ur right
Oliver Co: maybe next time
Oliver Co: how are you?
Vmlipio: i'm okey.
Oliver Co: glad to hear that
Vmlipio: nothing much has changed
Oliver Co: i really wanted to see you
Vmlipio: its weird noh? since then, never bump into you...
Oliver Co: btw, i got ur new sun no.
Vmlipio: talaga? from whom?
Oliver Co: il let you know when i see you
Vmlipio: haha! why is that so?
Vmlipio: secret ba?
Oliver Co: so we could have more tpic to talk to
Oliver Co: hehe
Vmlipio: haha! i don't think that will be one of our problem.
Oliver Co: i know we have more to talk
Oliver Co: we havnt spoke in?
Oliver Co: years?
Oliver Co: i just wanted to catch things up
Vmlipio: well, kinda think of it. parang wala naman to talk about eh. just the usual 'how' and 'who's'
Vmlipio: yeah... years..
Vmlipio: haha!
Vmlipio: tagal na noh?
Oliver Co: sobra
Oliver Co: it cold happen pala
Oliver Co: could
Vmlipio: Just answer this for me. Why now, after all this time?
Oliver Co: i still care
Oliver Co: you know that it was very hard for me
Oliver Co: durng that times
Vmlipio: oh my... let's not start the drama.... we should be done with it
Vmlipio: haha
Oliver Co: i hope its not too late
Oliver Co: i mean
Oliver Co: i just hoe you could see me
Oliver Co: pls find time
Oliver Co: but i will inderstand
Oliver Co: understand
Oliver Co:if you think we should not
Vmlipio: set a date next week. i'll see you. you can ask me the questions. But first, who gave you my number?
Oliver Co: no one
Vmlipio: You want the honest opinion on your question?
Oliver Co: hit me
Vmlipio: Haha!
Vmlipio: your not oliver.....
Vmlipio: who's this I'm chatting too?
Oliver Co: its me
Oliver Co: why would you think that?
Oliver Co: hey val
Oliver Co: its me
Oliver Co: can you call me?
Oliver Co: in my office
Oliver Co: hey you there?
Vmlipio: yes
Vmlipio: fine fine fine.... if you are oliver, what was the last thing you said to the the last time we talked?
Oliver Co: when you viited me at home?
Oliver Co: val its me
Vmlipio: yeah
Oliver Co: we didnt agree with one thing then
Oliver Co: pero hinatid kita sa kotse sa kotse ni rob
Oliver Co: sabi ko nga ako na maghatid sayo e
Oliver Co: val its me
Vmlipio: alright... its you
Vmlipio: schedule it na lang next week. weekday. greenhills area. i'll meet you there
Oliver Co: im very sorry kung ngaun lang ako nagkaron ng lakas ng loob to talk to you
Vmlipio: i understand.
Oliver Co: thank you


This is the conversation I just had earlier today with my Ex. He wants to meet up. It was aggressive of him asking me that.

You see we had a very bad break up. Ever since the time I went to visit him, which was a very long time ago. Faith didn’t seem to see it fit, fit for us to meet up accidentally after the break up. No bumping to each other into the mall, or even seeing one another in the car on the streets, not a even a glimpse or a shadow that prove that the both of us still exist in the world. I wasn’t anticipating this, Not at All. The nearest thought is, I know that this will happen One Day – The Day That I Was Not Supposed To Know That We Are Going To Meet Up.

Now, I don’t have to worry about it. Since its Him, not Faith that let the “supposedly meet up” happen. I don’t know how to decide, decide if I will or will not meet him up. My head feels like whirlpool. I’m thinking of things that I shouldn’t be thinking about. I have these thoughts in my head that I shouldn’t be worrying about. I’m scared, to tell you honestly. I don’t know if this is a sign that I moved pass the Hell that I’ve been into, or even in it. Dammit!

I’ll be facing this problem a week from now. I have yet to decide. I hope I can gain the right Choice for this one. I also hope that I will have the strength to move past and be done with it.

I have yet to decide for now.
May all the Angles help me!

Verdict is Should I or Shouldn’t Meet Him Up?