Blog-huh?

B: hey pansy na nakatulog agad ako kagabi

They said that one of the best therapy is to write about your thoughts..  

Why do some guys are so skittish?  Is this a sign of insecurities or fear?

Ive been chatting with this cute guy for weeks now.. We planned on meeting in person, but he seems to be delaying it.  Why??

We chat everyday, the whole day, talking about mostly how our days goes and sometimes makes joke on how we would be when we hang out in person..  We are actually having good conversations, right?  I the mean, if its was so boring then we shouldn't be keeping on communicating all the time, right?  He even started to let me know where he is, greets me "goodnights" and "good mornings". We started video calling, he would call me when his hands are busy doing household stuffs, while I watch my series on the background.. We would video call until he leave for work.. So he must be enjoying it as I am, right?


Oh also, I wanted to mention.. When we talk about each others "history" (discussion of our personal lives), he always tells me "i'll tell you more in person".. All he has divulge are; he is married, but separated for 6 years and two girls, who lives with the mom.  He lives with his parents and currently looking for a maid because the last kasambahay he had money issues with.  I can say this guy is so busy.. When he wakes up, he cooks food for breakfast, lunch, and sometimes for dinner.. After cooking he wakes his parents to have breakfast and make sure they drink their meds.  Then he preps himself to get ready for work. When he gets home mostly he cooks dinner and do other housed chores like laundry..


I remember the time we video called and he started telling about himself, and I ask what is the reason why they decided to separate (him and the wife), he stopped with what he was doing and straight face looking at the camera saying "I'll tell you everything when we meet, you can ask me personal questions, I'll answer it all.. Then you can decided if you like to be a part of my life or not. Decide there on, now now".. Napa tanga ago nun.. It was like all of a sudden his aura was so serious. So in shocked I was like "ohhh oookey. Hehe!"..  I felt some kind of electric shock.. Haha! Since then no more personal question answered.. When I do ask he always says he reminds me that he would tell me in person..


That was the first week we got to chat and video call, also the week we start to plan when we will meet.. So far we discussed the time we both can't, like when is my car coding and his, we agreed coffee place, somewhere public, but no time or day yet.. I thought we did set a day; I thought that it will be Wednesday after the week we started to chat. Came Tuesday night, I was confirming and he cancelled on me saying he would be busy and other excuses.. Since then no mention on when, he only mention the even on August, the Dutdutan tattoo even".. Per naman, thats what 2 month from now?!  Oh I dunno if I should wait to what.. Haha!


It just makes me curious on what the hell is he hiding or even is he is hiding something.  Is he insecure?  But to me what will he be insecure about, diba?  Or he just wants a cyber pen pal?  Haha!  I got a lot of questions in my mind on "Why's"..

Sana ma sagot soon... I'm contemplating if I should go cold turkey with this guy.  Im getting attached with the routine he set up.  I actually like it and I don't want to be too attached that It gets me frustrated..

So if anyone bothered to read my blog.. Any thoughts?

Tinder.  I signed up! haha!

I wanted to share my experienced with it, so here it is.  Its easy app, swipe left to Nope and right to Match. If you both match, thats the time you can send a message to the matching person.. Ive chatted to few people both male and female.. I made chat friends exchanging mobile numbers to transfer to the viber app.

I noticed that there is a trending questions mostly asked.
- Location
- Status (Single, married, divorced, separated)
- Why am I at Tinder
- What am I looking for

and my answers;
- Mandaluyong (nothing more specific than that)
- Single, Never been married, No Kids
- Looking for someone to chat, passing time
- to chat with and maybe friends who i can meet organically

And I noticed the last two questions are usually the "deal breakers".  Meaning if the person is interested on continuing the conversation or not..  If its a good conversation, 2 hours tops, you'll be exchanging numbers and move to Viber.  I think, this is because the Tinder app lacks the ability to send photos.  If you want to see how the person looks you just check their profile page.  The profile page consists of name, age, bio/info, work, school, and uploaded photos. which photos are probably not their current photos.. Haha! You'll be surprised that the photos some uploads are year or some image of none person..

Anyways here is mine..

"I miss you"

I want to tell you that, Chad.

But instead..

I'll get busy to have no time to think about you.
I'll forget you to forgive you.
I'll find happiness to not be sad for you.
&
I'll someday I won't  be think about you.

WOW!

He is so true to his word, he UNFRIEND  Me..

I didn't expect that cause its an immature thing to do.. But I guess Im not the ONLY child in the ex-relationship..

Im still in shocked.. I dunno how I would described the feeling..  My face felt numb and could only feel my heart betting.. Is this how true shocked really feel? Im just speechless..

While I was washing the dishes, a thought came to my mind.. a question that I may or may not know the answers.. 

I find myself heartbroken again.

Hello there! How have you been? Usually the coming questions people ask another after a long time with no communication.. it’s seems right and polite..

I’m back writing;  I need to pour my heart out (again)..

My boyfriend forgot my birthday.. i’m was mad and decided not to text him back till he Makes up for it.. but hence, I was left mad and heartbroken. Then I’ve been doing some thinking weighing the pro and cons why I’m in a relationship with him.. I got only one good check on my list and that’s I love him.. but everything else goes on the cons side..

Family
He doesn’t and have no intentions of knowing them or have any connections, even casually.. did I mention only my youngest sister he had met during my entire relationship with him. He thinks my family is toxic.. but who isn’t? I mean, scratch deeper everyone has issues..

Secrets
I find him very secretive.. at first I thought he has trust issues but for the longest time, what I see is what I get, literally.. I even have to start a fight for him to talk to me about what he thinks or express his feelings..

He forgets to let me know when he goes out
He does! It’s seems shallow, but I would like to know where he is.. hey if your not hiding anything what’s not tell? What as a few seconds of your time texting, it’s not every time you have an emergency, right?

Gooodnight Greetings
(Again) seems shallow? But why break a tradition that you’ve been doing for so long? Why why?

Reversed Psychology
He turned every fight that it was my fault.. that I’m the one who is out of line.. I let it slide.. I always ask myself is it worth fighting for little things that matters to me? I also get tiered fighting cause I don’t get what I want..

My Personal Problems
Now this is the biggest on my list.. I realized that I can’t talk to him about my personal issue which is mostly about family.. he avoids and doesn’t give any feedbacks.. if he does it’s usually a bad comments and he gets mad and always ask me no to talk about it with him..

La la-la-la-la-la-la-la Love Life....

Tonight I will attempt to write an obituary for my dear friend Kitty.

Kitty was a awesome friend.  A clever person, full of energy that will take you drunk without having a bottle of beer.  I've known Kitty since after my birthday.  We meet over a random chat.  I couldn't remember exactly how we started, but I remember the night I exchanged numbers with him. I spent that night with my friends and Mom at Bacrino, atc. Since then, we always had been texting.  It was good.  A routine that I find it hard to let go.
I met Kitty in person at City Golf, Ortigas. The memorable experienced was at the parking lot. Second time I met with Kitty, was at this cafe at Connecticut street named Torched. Another memorable experienced at the car park, where I learned that my driver's license was not in my purse, and that night - I was totally freaked out.  Last (I hope not the least) was at PP.  He invited me to watch a movie.  It was a boring movie experience called "gravity".  Then we transfered to Grilla Bar and to this place near Pasay City. That night was a great fun night.  A night that will always be remembered.
Six day ago and tonight, things were not the same for me.  I've been channeling my frustrations to him. Well, at least that what he said, and it woke me up to my senses.  Tonight, I will try to mourn Kitty's death, until I am back to my normal health (literally) and self.  I will sure miss the "Goodmornings" and "Goodnights" kisses from Kitty.  I'll definitely miss texting from the time my eyes open till they fall a asleep.  Sure, I love my routine, but I also love not feeling hurt or sad by the person who keeps my iPhone busy for me and makes my globe bill sky high.  I'll miss sharing my thought and our odd witty conversations that really makes me laugh or smile the almost the whole time.  I'll miss getting freak out and spooked by Kitty.  He makes me feel intoxicated, like I belong to the clouds with the sun, moon, and stars.  It was a great feeling that tonight those feelings will turn into tears. 

Wherever you are Kitty.  Always be safe, drown your self moderately, and the most important of all, be happy... And I hope you will not forget about me, your shining Star.

I'm am down with some viral that I don't know when I exactly got it. Doctor said its because of my low immune system. I've started drinking my meds last Monday, 7th of October. I'm off the weather. I've been homebound for days. My fever started to subside 2 days ago. I'm up most of the time and I'm freaking bored. I don't know what home buddy do. All I could think of are my dresses, my new dresses that I've been wanting to wear, accessorized, fix my hair nicely and wear my chucks. I want to be with my friend and hangout. I want my routine back badly. I want to have dinner with my freinds and hang out have desserts or coffee, watch movies, talk about anything. Staying home without any fever is driving me nuts. I wish i have the fever (not the body pains).. So that I would be asleep the whole time and not think about stuff that been happening to my life right now, I tend to be pessimistic towards others. What can I say, I'm a happy girl, when I'm out and wearing my clothes, shoes, bracelets. Happy girl, when I'm productive and keeping myself busy with the stuff that interest me. Oh I don't know what to do yet.


Side Track...


I was told by a friend that I am channeling my frustrations on him and he doesn't know what to do with it. That made me realized that I am feeling annoyed. Since I'm not doing anything, I tend to wait for him to text me back. This is not good at all. I feel I'm a parasite. I do not exploit people. I am not that kind of person. What the HELL is this virus doing to me? I was having a fun time with this friend and things are great between us. I was in a happy place. Oh I want to go back to being happy and not feeling frustrated. I'm thinking of how to divert my attention to whom or what. For a sick girl, I should be feeling tired, weary, exhausted. Its been two days that I couldn't sleep at night because of my itchy rashes that the viral is causing. Plus, I just learned that Advil is the meds thats making my tummy painful. Good thing, Ive realized that after 3 days. I'm on a different type of medication today, as the Doctor suggested.


I'm not having dinner with my family tonight. I'm going take this frustrations to sleep. Hoping that when I wake up, I'll feel much more better and that my friend will still be there waiting for me..

It always get me bad in the morning.. Especially when I just woke up.. Not a nice game when someone just woke up.. That's why I think, the game "hide and seek" is always best played during the night...