Monday, June 03, 2019

Why some men lack the courage to change?

0 comments Posted by Valerie Lipio



While I was washing the dishes, a thought came to my mind.. a question that I may or may not know the answers.. 

Why do some men choose not to change? What does it make them to want to change? 

In my relationship, it’s not like I’m asking him to change for the worst.. I’ve ask my exe to call me on special occasions or emergencies, rather than texting me.. I don’t understand why that simple request is hard for him to comply? His reply to me on my question is, “take me for what I am (PERIOD).” 

Is my request really a big deal? Are there really men out there who refuses to change?

 

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Sunday, June 02, 2019

The Handyman Part 1

0 comments Posted by Valerie Lipio

I find myself heartbroken again.


Thinking back to my old boyfriends, I search my mind on how i got over each one of them. But instead my mind pop up the scenarios of the time when I broke up with them, how i handled the ending chapter of my love stories. I realised two things in common;

1. Me breaking it up
2. Feeling lost

I've was told myself that breaking up can't have a good ending. Like ending it gracefully, ending it up civil. It has to have the drama, the fights, the exchange of hurtful words, shouting, and cursing. I do this for me. the only step i know how to move on. Afterwards, I need to change, learn to unlearn, forgive and forget. Now this the tricky part, its you, yourself is the teacher and the student, at the same time. Which metaphorically, the Teacher is the Mind and the student is the Heart. A battle that I now have to face everyday. 

Should I follow the heart because of the one reason that made me stay for 5 years in the relationship, or my mind which constantly reminding me that, this is not the relationship I want to live for the rest of my life.  

Now I comfort myself by writing this. I need to change, learn to unlearn the love that Ive known for 5 years. I hope this time, time will be my friend and make it easier. 

My goal is write, till there is no more feeling to express, no more words to share about the Ex.


 

Wednesday, May 08, 2019

I’m Back

0 comments Posted by Valerie Lipio

Hello there! How have you been? Usually the coming questions people ask another after a long time with no communication.. it’s seems right and polite..

I’m back writing;  I need to pour my heart out (again)..

My boyfriend forgot my birthday.. i’m was mad and decided not to text him back till he Makes up for it.. but hence, I was left mad and heartbroken. Then I’ve been doing some thinking weighing the pro and cons why I’m in a relationship with him.. I got only one good check on my list and that’s I love him.. but everything else goes on the cons side..

Family
He doesn’t and have no intentions of knowing them or have any connections, even casually.. did I mention only my youngest sister he had met during my entire relationship with him. He thinks my family is toxic.. but who isn’t? I mean, scratch deeper everyone has issues..

Secrets
I find him very secretive.. at first I thought he has trust issues but for the longest time, what I see is what I get, literally.. I even have to start a fight for him to talk to me about what he thinks or express his feelings..

He forgets to let me know when he goes out
He does! It’s seems shallow, but I would like to know where he is.. hey if your not hiding anything what’s not tell? What as a few seconds of your time texting, it’s not every time you have an emergency, right?

Gooodnight Greetings
(Again) seems shallow? But why break a tradition that you’ve been doing for so long? Why why?

Reversed Psychology
He turned every fight that it was my fault.. that I’m the one who is out of line.. I let it slide.. I always ask myself is it worth fighting for little things that matters to me? I also get tiered fighting cause I don’t get what I want..

My Personal Problems
Now this is the biggest on my list.. I realized that I can’t talk to him about my personal issue which is mostly about family.. he avoids and doesn’t give any feedbacks.. if he does it’s usually a bad comments and he gets mad and always ask me no to talk about it with him..

 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Falling Back Again (26-05-2014)

0 comments Posted by Valerie Lipio

Denial. For the last 8 months, I was in that state.. 

4 dead end relationships... I think, 5 might be on the way...

My last one lasted for 5 years, took me the same time to fully get over him. I even buried the thought of looking for love after the years, the effort of forgetting - how pain feels like, memories of hardships that didn't pay off at the end. Then, last night I realized that I'm in one.

I was pretending that it was only for fun, no harm can be done.. Now, I'm finding out-  I'm so dead wrong. 

Good Earth and Parking lot at Fort Strip is where it all happened.. But before that, I was at Figaro, waiting and thinking what will be the outcome.. Thinking, how can I prove something that is claimed to be true that is not? I thought of it is as long as I have the time, time before I'll face him.. I couldn't think of any answer, expect to tell the truth.. Telling the truth that night backfired at ME.

We look for a spot, sat down, ordered, our usual routine. He had his bucket of beer and I had coke with dishes of pica-pica. The talk was direct and light at first. As time passes by the light conversation ended up to a heated argument. It went to a point that he was starting to hit the table, giving me the wild eyes with angry spoken words. I got so scared. I started not to speak anymore. I told myself, he is mad and he needs to express how he feels, he just needs to release the suppress feelings he has been carrying. His spoken words are the same, saying it over and over for hours. I felt I was being tortured and it was annoying at the same time. I tried so hard to keep my mouth shut. I couldn't understand what was happening and what was so wrong, why he is so mad at me. He kept on saying "understand me, star!", "Remember where I'm coming from!". I really tried hard to comprehend what he is telling me, but I couldn't. All I could think are the false accusations he is accusing me of. I wanted to escape, but he wouldn't let me. I got exhausted towards the end. We sat inside my car, he was still whinnying the same sentences he had been saying, only this time, his voice turned to be soft. My mind couldn't think anymore. I was already feeling distressed. I couldn't react as much as I wanted, only through tears. Then he began to touch my head, caressing my forehead and kissed me three times on the cheek. I told him to let me go cause I want to go home. He eventually did, even nice, he offered to drive me and would commute back to fort to get his car. I declined to his offere. I needed to escape from what he was doing to me. When we were parting our ways, he pulled me and gave me a hug. He went out of my car and I drove off.

Now, all I could think about since I woke up this morning is "how can I make it all better?". Guilt falls into me. I made him like this. He asked me to let him protect himself. I couldn't understand that before. Today, I think, I'm starting too. He wants to protect himself from me. He new that when the feelings starts to be stronger, he will turn out to be weak. Exactly the same thing to me. I was avoiding cause I don't want to feel hurt. Yet without even realizing it,I fell in love with him too...

 

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Sunday, January 12, 2014

Love Life

14 comments Posted by Valerie Lipio


La la-la-la-la-la-la-la Love Life....

What's that? Heartaches and mistakes? Look at the mess that we created? What's that?


I woke up today feeling so tired, restless.. You were the first thing on my mind.. Conversation from last night slowly flowing in my thoughts.. I'm thinking, is this how it's supposed to be? I knew from the time the arguments was starting, it's setting its place, something is broken.. I kept on thinking, analyzing, laying the pices of the puzzle, mapping it out.. Then I realized, I broke my rule, bend it without thinking and reflecting.. 


Last night was a mirror, a mirror of the consequence that I am forced to be facing.. I was feeling so happy and I guess, at some point, my feet needs to be back on the ground. I guess that's why they say that happiness is a temporary thing in the world, unless acceptance sets to place. Happiness is borrowed time.. Can't be happy all the time right? Something should come and exist to keep things balance..


I'm not fully decided on what I want to happen, I'm always scared to make decision.. When it comes to matters of life, it's so difficult to be facing ultimatums and finalization.. But then again, it's harder to be in between, floating, hanging, it's torture.. Emotional inflicting pain especially to someone who thinks a lot, always expecting the worst.. 


So, while waiting for the future to happen, my thoughts are left with this sentiments;



I feel these four walls are closing in, my face up against the glass, I'm looking out.
Is this my life I'm wondering, it happens to fast..
How do I turn things around? Is this the bed I chose to make?
Wide open spaces far away... 

(Sight)

All I want is the wind in my face..
To face the fear but, not feel scared..

 

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