Tuesday, June 14, 2011
There is something about about watching Pinoy romance movies. No matter how baduy, corny the movie is, it touches a part of my heart. It crunches, makes my breathing shallow. It hurts. My mind tells me not to wait but the heart whispers.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Today my Angkong was brought to the hospital. I've been with him since birth. He is like my father. He is not perfect. In fact he is a very strong person. He is the type of person who you say "matalas Ang dila". When we learned he has CA back on 2004 or 06, thing ls started to change. His personality change. He was nicer and less sunget.
Going back to my First sentence. When he was on the car, and I was looking into his eyes. I never felt so sad looking into someone. I wanted to help. Give him a part of me so that he will be the same Angkong before he left for Baguio. I mean, no matter what or how people share their experiences. It is nothing like going thru the process. I know that I should be stronger and ready. Since I live with him. But I feel that it's nothing like it. I don't think people could be ready. I don't think I will be ready.
Sometimes I wish that I don't have a heart.
I had the most wonderful time is school today. Finally we discussed a topic that I am interested too. Social media. We talked about facebook, twitter, google, how these companies became the master of the world wide web. I finally had the courage spoked out in class. To expressed and share the knowledge with confidence. I'm not big in talking in front of the class. I am so scared to be judge and criticized by others. Enrolling in masters is not what I expected, not even near to what I imagine it to be.
Honestly, For the first 20-40 days in school, it was hard socially and mentally. For the first time I felt like an outcast. I didn't connect to most of my classmates. Felt feel like an imbecile. I couldn't give much knowledge to the case studies. In other words- I feel like shit.
Today in school. It change a little. There was light. A spark of hope. An answer to my prayers. I hope this will continue.
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Getting older sure brings a lot of pressure. People expect something from you, a better life, a better car, a better carrer, in other words - something different. I wonder where will my life will lead next year. Will I be different Valerie? Honestly, I don't like growing. I like my life now. I don't want the pressure of work or school. I have a paper due by the end of the month and I haven't start writing. I'm still confused on how to write it down and I'm having a hard time getting people to help me. I think our Plant Manager expect a lot from me. He kept saying that I (alone) should do it. He has no idea how much pressure this paper is doing to me. Sometimes I wished that they could have seen me in a different way, not the Manager type. Oh boy... The expectations that the Plant, my family, especially my father is killing me. I'm having a hard time thinking on how I'm going to make things happen and achieve these expectations. I try hard not to think about failure. I try to keep in mind the positive and support that my Sister, Mother, and friends cheer me with. I know that there is no easy way in things like this and I also know that when I do accomplish this, it will be one of my greatest highlight in my life.
As I try not to face reality of growing old, I know that I could not stop nor delay the things that are ment in my life to happen. So I ask one thing for my birthday and I hope that this was ment for me to accomplish and not loose my sanity. I won't mention is here anymore what exactly I am asking for, but I'm sure He already knows about it.
I placed a 3 year recap of my birthday photos. Funny that I mentioned that I don't like growing up. Yet, you can see me change the way I look and wear more appropriate clothes throughout the years. I can't figure out if its because, I change for the better or I change cause everyone expects me to change.
Anyhow,
Thank you so much for everyone who greeted me and made this simple day special to me.
I love you guys so much!
PEACE!
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Overview:
The first week, we takled about "Self Mastery" - knowing ones self.
I've learned that according to the Self Assessment Test;
1. Right Hemisphere Brain Dominant
2. Quadrant D
3. Scored ENFJ - Extraverted Intuitive Feeling Judging in my MBTI Test
Summing it up in one word, I am what they called "The Dreamer". I'm lacking the traits of the logical person. So I have to work hard(er) to develop the other side of my Brain because according the my professors, I'll be needing this traits for me to pass my Course and to be a great Entrepreneur. I need to work on with my arithmetic/ number skills, logic thinking, and reasoning.
Recently with all the case studies that we are reading and discussing, I've beginning to feel the pressure of my missing traits. First of all, I'm having a hard time understanding the Charts on our case studies. Whenever I look at it, all I can make out are stick figures or doodling scrips. I'm in extra-effort mode and it feels like that my head is bring stretch to its limits most times and other, it feels like a jello.
Since school start I'm exhausted to deal with work stuff, which is usually do in between dinner time and reading the Case studies (for the next day). This Master Course is definitely different from what I expected it to be. Really different compared to College. There are a LOT of READING, ANALYZING, ENUMERATING, CHARTING and (what I hate the most) Dealing with NUMBER. Also, I'm having a hard time with the gathering of data with my Macro- Environment information which will be very essential to my defense with my First Module by April. Again, I have to do the messy research of the nature of my business, which is Plastic Container and I could not find relevant Secondary Data over the internet. Freak Talaga! I don't know where the (Hell) I'm going to look for that data.
I don't know if I'm cutout for this, but I surely want to pass this, finish what I started. One things for sure (and I'm feeling it already) I'll be a totally different person next year.
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