Blog-huh?

Its been awhile since I wrote my thoughts out. I wasn't in the mood and I see no significant event that's worth sharing, till now (I guess).


My Best Friend Elaine got married last Friday and I was the Maid of Honor. I remember that I didn't enjoy the seat down dinner cause I was so nervous with my speech. Its short, but its from the heart. I'll post it next time, I wrote it down on a piece of paper and its somewhere in my purse.


Before and after the wedding, I (still) feel terrified. You see, both Rina and Elaine are married and my buddy Q, is engaged. I'm the last one in the circle who doesn't have a partner. I'm scared. I'm really scared that, what if there is no one for me out there? What if I'm destined to be single for the rest of my life? I've been trying to tell myself that its going to be alright, that I will live to accept it. But as each day passes by, I feel hopeless, worried, scared that this is my life would be. I don't want to be single for the rest of my life. I don't want to be lonely. I'm lonely every single day. I mean, I put up a face that I'm alright and strong and I have accepted my singular livelihood but I'm having this melt down or whatever you call it. Gosh, I don't even know if I wanted to post this and share with you all but I wanna be true to myself at one point. I don't want to pretend that my life is great. Funny, cause when people ask me how I am, my answer is already 'I'm great'. Its harder pulling this thing off and not telling anyone the truth about it. It scared me that when I tell, I'll see this pathetic look on their faces and they try tell me that it will be alright, that the right guy will show up soon, all that crap; cause when I look in their eyes, I don't see the hope that someone is out there for me.


How come it feels that I'm the only single person who feels this way? This sucks!