Friday, July 05, 2019

Ambiguity

B: hey pansy na nakatulog agad ako kagabi


G: its alright..
G hey.. uhmmm I think we should stop this.. as weird as it sounds, i like you.. I don't think we on the same page though.. so let's just

B: hey hey
B: mahina talaga pasensya mo
B: ok naaman tayo eh

G: its not that.. i know your busy for real and you got other priorities.. is just that, I'm getting emotionally attached and its not good for me..

B: hala batik naman
B: don't stop Val lets just keep on communicating

G: its alright.. it's not you, Im just like this..
G: its just hard for me, Pats.. You'll be glad someday..

B: possessive ka ba
B: wag ka ganyan
B: we can work this thing
B: hiram lang ago walang kasambahay

G: I'm not.. is just I don't want to play games.. I'm sorry if I gave you that idea

B: I don't play games
B: mag kaiba taco ng oras di ko na kayang mag peat page na sa carwash
B: sari ko sayo try mo baguhin and sleeping habits mo

G:its alright, Pats. Im not being possessive.. It's just that Im beginning to wait for your text, and I don't like that feeling. I don't know what's there.. so I want to stop before it gets bad for me

B: ayoko sa tutuo lang

G: I believe you..

B: then don't stop

G: hehe


This is the result of yesterday's decision..

I'm pointing out this:
He didn't answer if he likes me

Ang limbo and dating..  

Im thinking; He is unsure..  He wants to take it slow.

Is taking it slow a good thing?

Tuesday, July 02, 2019

Over My head




They said that one of the best therapy is to write about your thoughts..  


Im having anxiety right now worrying that something could be wrong with me.. Wrong in such a way why I'm still single and couldn't get into a relationship that would last forever?  It makes me wonder is there really is a forever?  Are there really people who are exempted; that they find someone who accept and love them unconditionally?  What happened to the people who doesn't find their partners?  Are we forced to accept and teach ourselves to just be comfortable being alone? Whats our consolation price for bring single?


Remember my last post with the mystery guy?  Im stopping the communication., I have come to accept that I am falling for him.. Weird right?  I haven't met the person but Im having the anxiety and already overthinking.. When he doesn't text, I find myself wondering about him all the time..  What is he doing? Is he thinking of me? Will we really meet? Are his words true?  Is he for real?  Could it be more that this?  When will be our next video call?  These questions rush in my head, feeling both positive and negative..  I find myself day dreaming about the future, the positive future and hope that I'll be in a relationship and maybe this time it will be the last.. A girl can dream diba? Hehe!


I admit, I got smitten by mystery guy at first video call.. I felt something that I didn't fell with Chad, my last relationship.. 5 years with Chad and he never given me a phone call, I had to ask him to call me.  With the mystery guy he gave that to me without me even asking for it.. It felt so good, it felt that I matter.. From there on, I thought we had a connection, a more deeper connection compared to the guys I'm just texting with..  But lately I noticed a change,  he is being skeptical and skittish.. 


I don't like being rejected.. The next time he message me, Ive decided to be upfront with my feelings.. I'll tell him how I feel and my intewntions..  Although, I get the underlying message that he is probably unsure or just being nice to me; (thats what my gut is actually telling me)..   I need the confirmation.


I think, I owe it to myself to stop this things being dragged out.. I'm over thinking, I'm getting anxious, I'm getting pissed, and I'm beginning to feel hurt..  So Im going to face my fear of rejection and hope it wouldn't hurt more compared to what Im feeling now..

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Mystery Guy




Why do some guys are so skittish?  Is this a sign of insecurities or fear?

Ive been chatting with this cute guy for weeks now.. We planned on meeting in person, but he seems to be delaying it.  Why??

We chat everyday, the whole day, talking about mostly how our days goes and sometimes makes joke on how we would be when we hang out in person..  We are actually having good conversations, right?  I the mean, if its was so boring then we shouldn't be keeping on communicating all the time, right?  He even started to let me know where he is, greets me "goodnights" and "good mornings". We started video calling, he would call me when his hands are busy doing household stuffs, while I watch my series on the background.. We would video call until he leave for work.. So he must be enjoying it as I am, right?


Oh also, I wanted to mention.. When we talk about each others "history" (discussion of our personal lives), he always tells me "i'll tell you more in person".. All he has divulge are; he is married, but separated for 6 years and two girls, who lives with the mom.  He lives with his parents and currently looking for a maid because the last kasambahay he had money issues with.  I can say this guy is so busy.. When he wakes up, he cooks food for breakfast, lunch, and sometimes for dinner.. After cooking he wakes his parents to have breakfast and make sure they drink their meds.  Then he preps himself to get ready for work. When he gets home mostly he cooks dinner and do other housed chores like laundry..


I remember the time we video called and he started telling about himself, and I ask what is the reason why they decided to separate (him and the wife), he stopped with what he was doing and straight face looking at the camera saying "I'll tell you everything when we meet, you can ask me personal questions, I'll answer it all.. Then you can decided if you like to be a part of my life or not. Decide there on, now now".. Napa tanga ago nun.. It was like all of a sudden his aura was so serious. So in shocked I was like "ohhh oookey. Hehe!"..  I felt some kind of electric shock.. Haha! Since then no more personal question answered.. When I do ask he always says he reminds me that he would tell me in person..


That was the first week we got to chat and video call, also the week we start to plan when we will meet.. So far we discussed the time we both can't, like when is my car coding and his, we agreed coffee place, somewhere public, but no time or day yet.. I thought we did set a day; I thought that it will be Wednesday after the week we started to chat. Came Tuesday night, I was confirming and he cancelled on me saying he would be busy and other excuses.. Since then no mention on when, he only mention the even on August, the Dutdutan tattoo even".. Per naman, thats what 2 month from now?!  Oh I dunno if I should wait to what.. Haha!


It just makes me curious on what the hell is he hiding or even is he is hiding something.  Is he insecure?  But to me what will he be insecure about, diba?  Or he just wants a cyber pen pal?  Haha!  I got a lot of questions in my mind on "Why's"..

Sana ma sagot soon... I'm contemplating if I should go cold turkey with this guy.  Im getting attached with the routine he set up.  I actually like it and I don't want to be too attached that It gets me frustrated..

So if anyone bothered to read my blog.. Any thoughts?

Friday, June 28, 2019

Swipe L or R

Tinder.  I signed up! haha!

I wanted to share my experienced with it, so here it is.  Its easy app, swipe left to Nope and right to Match. If you both match, thats the time you can send a message to the matching person.. Ive chatted to few people both male and female.. I made chat friends exchanging mobile numbers to transfer to the viber app.

I noticed that there is a trending questions mostly asked.
- Location
- Status (Single, married, divorced, separated)
- Why am I at Tinder
- What am I looking for

and my answers;
- Mandaluyong (nothing more specific than that)
- Single, Never been married, No Kids
- Looking for someone to chat, passing time
- to chat with and maybe friends who i can meet organically

And I noticed the last two questions are usually the "deal breakers".  Meaning if the person is interested on continuing the conversation or not..  If its a good conversation, 2 hours tops, you'll be exchanging numbers and move to Viber.  I think, this is because the Tinder app lacks the ability to send photos.  If you want to see how the person looks you just check their profile page.  The profile page consists of name, age, bio/info, work, school, and uploaded photos. which photos are probably not their current photos.. Haha! You'll be surprised that the photos some uploads are year or some image of none person..

Anyways here is mine..


Thats my main photo, a cup of coffee with a planner.

Simple. I believe it should show the impression that I am a steady person, nothing rowdy, loves to have coffee and plan my day ahead. Just simplicity, nothing fancy.  
Now when you swipe right on my account you'll see 4 photos.. 4 Photos of me with my dogs, and  one of those photos is me, with sushi and pumpkin and the stroller.. I placed this to show that Im a serious Furparent to my two adorable and lovely four-legged-babies.. 


After all , "Must Love Dogs"


So thats it.. Just a brief sharing moment I wanted to share and immortalised that I gave up and signed in Tinder. Lols

Thursday, June 06, 2019

I Miss you, C

"I miss you"

I want to tell you that, Chad.

But instead..

I'll get busy to have no time to think about you.
I'll forget you to forgive you.
I'll find happiness to not be sad for you.
&
I'll someday I won't  be think about you.

 

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